I hesitated on whether or not to post any words along with these pictures, but it has been such a long road for our little guy that I thought it deserved a small post. Learning how to behave during Church services (loooong and frequent services) can be difficult for little ones! Learning how to get through it can be difficult for parents as well !
We've had both of our children in Church since their 40 day blessing. Glory to God for all things. Sophia made it seem easy. She made me feel like a very competent Christian mother. Everything went just as I had envisioned it when I would try to plan how I would "teach" my children about our worship. When she was younger, she spent a lot of time in my sling or other carriers. She would stay in there most of the service, come out to receive Holy Communion and then sit quietly for the end of the service. I was so calm and thankful. My prayer was not interrupted. My active participation in our Holy services was just as it was before she was born ! I only remember having to leave the Church to go to back when she needed to be nursed or changed. As she got older and spent less time in a carrier...I didn't know what to expect. But I knew what was expected of me, as her mother. She was quiet, never tried to run away, always listened, never brought many "things" to play with and still doesn't know that the Church has a playroom/nursery upstairs. I am very thankful.
When Demetri came along, I have to admit that I felt pretty confident that I would be able to instill in him the same proper behavior that his sister had made look easy ! THIS was not the case. I did things the same. Talked to him the same way about services, treated him the same way when we were there and so on. As all mothers know, each of our children can be very different. He spent quite a bit of time in my sling as well, but as he got bigger he was less and less content there. He just LOVES to go, move, talk, etc. He is not content sitting in a pew for a few hours at a time. It is so hard for him, which I completely understand. So often I hear the comment "Oh, he is nothing like his sister" or "you have your hands full with him huh" or "boys will be boys"!
I admit that I have spent countless hours in the Narthex of our Church. We sit up front and I can't tell you how many times I am walking from the front of the Church, to the back - over and over and over - poor Sophia, tagging along ! I often wonder if all the people standing in the pews along the way are thinking "WHY doesn't she just STAY back there"? I'm sure at some point they have all said that at one point or another. But, with Christ all things are possible ! Through prayer and His Grace, he is slowly learning to be still. Through HIS struggle, I am struggling and learning too. I am so thankful for this opportunity. He is learning to love our Faith and our Church. He can't WAIT to see Father come out of the Royal Doors. He can often be seen pretending to "cense", using a komboskini (prayer rope, pictured above) as his censor. He recognizes certain prayers and hymns that he hears often. He can "chant" Ayios O Theos...well, some of it ! He has come a long way. He still tries to run - but now instead of trying to run away from me, he is trying to run up to the altar. He is either trying to approach the lower level icons on the Iconastasi, or he sees our Priest or his Baba. In my mind, I am happy that his attention is THERE and not somewhere else...so I don't mind running up and getting him a few times.
We still have such a LONG way to go. He does. I do. We all do really. I thought that in the event that any struggling mother visits my space here, I would post my own experience and struggle - hoping that it would serve as hope. I tried to keep it short, particularly since I honestly had no intentions of writing anything when I put these photos on the page. But then I looked at them and thought that he looked like a well-behaved little boy, participating in his own little way during a Church service. I thought that they looked like a mother's brag book, showing off to her family and friends how "good" her son is during the Liturgy. That couldn't be further from the truth and ANYONE from my parish can tell you that these were just lucky snapshots of rare, quiet moments. I really don't have a free or steady hand to reach into my bag and grab the camera as I am chasing him around the church trying to get him to focus on the altar, or shoving a pacifier in his mouth to stop the shout of "NOOOO" mid-scream ! Now THOSE would be some funny and realistic pictures ! Sometimes it is hard to balance what we share here in public view, but sometimes sharing does bring us together. This truly is a part of my own journey.
Glory to God!
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I've found useful for Teddy is to give him his saints book. I went to Target and got a plastic photo album for a dollar, and put paper icons and other small icons in there, including cutting out the 12 from the previous year's calendar. He looks through his saints, and can now name several more. It doesn't always work to keep him quiet in church, but it's something I *always* keep in the diaper bag. (The only problem I have is that the pages need reinforcing, so we have fewer pages than we started with.)
This was my experiene in reverse! My oldest was just like your son. She was still just months old when we went to seminary and I spent SO much time going in and out of church. I tended to hover near the narthex to make an easy get-a-way. Meanwhile there was a family there with a baby/toddler the same age as ours who NEVER MADE A PEEP. She almost never moved. I felt like a horrible mother. When my second daughter was born I thought something was wrong with her: she was too quiet! (c;
ReplyDeleteYou're right - persistence pays off. I describe this very phenomenon of popping in and out of the narthex in the intro on my blog. That's why it's called "Praying with my feet". I'm dealing with #5 now as a 3yo. He's...*mostly*...good.
Presyvtera, we had the SAME problem with the little book you describe. It made it through Sophia, but Demetri was a little rougher with those pages and they really started falling apart. I decided to laminate each of the paper icons and punched a hole in the top for a binder ring. An idea I got from a friend. It is working great ! Virtually indestructible ! I hope to see you guys again soon.
ReplyDeleteMatushka, I LOVE the intro to your blog ! It is SO nice to know you are not alone and that other mothers are struggling in the same way !
Oh! You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. I am new to Orthodoxy and new to bringing a child into church at all. He's 18 months and is LOUD. And squirmy, agitated easily by an effort to keep him still, quiet, or even be held when he doesn't want to be, and did I mention he's loud.
ReplyDeleteTo make matters more interesting, the Narthex is basically the back two rows of the church. Nothing separate at all. The acoustics in the church are very good. We spend a lot of time pacing the sidewalk outside the church and my husband is ready to stop going or stop taking our son. I've tried books, snacks, and stuffed animals with almost no success.
My priest and the entire congregation is so supportive, but at the same time, I'm sure they'd rather hear the singing then his yelling.
Thank you for the hope!
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting...and I am SO happy to have given you a little hope ! Stay the course and soon you will have a toddler sitting next to you quietly throughout the services. If we don't bring them now then we will have older children who cannot sit through a Liturgy or have no interest in Church ! Be realistic. At 18 months he isn't supposed to be quiet or sit still. You are doing great !! Whatever you do, don't stop bringing him !